I can’t say I
never watch the Bachelor. It’s on in my house, and sometimes I join in watching
with my mom. But I always feel so torn. You root for the girl you want to end
up with the man, or vice versa, but it’s like, is this what dating has been
reduced to?
I don’t think it’s
a good idea to date 30 or 20 or 10 or 5 or even 2 people at once. Not just because
it’d be a bear to remember all those birthdays, which it would. But more because,
one person is falling in love with multiple people without natural
consequences, which leaves the person not chosen feeling used and with a broken
heart.
I just watched a
few minutes of the show on my way to bed. And the girl who went out on a one on
one date is shown making out with the guy, and she’s talking over the scene
saying they have a good foundation to fall in love. And I’m thinking, what in
the world does she define as a good foundation? She has to compete with ten
other women at this point to win his heart. He’s going out with all these other
women who feel the same way as far as wanting to fall in love with him, so the
women are throwing themselves at him – after all, it is a competition, may the
best woman win – what kind of foundation is that? I just, it all makes me feel sad for the
women caught up in this cultural lie, that this is a good way to date and meet
the man of your dreams. After all, in the real world, if you were dating Bobby,
and he told you he was also dating Sally
and Jenny and Lisa and Courtney, would you actually keep dating Bobby? No, of
course not, he needs to make up his mind about what he wants and pursue one
woman at a time. Oh, but there’s another mythological relationship being hailed
here – the SOULMATE. This is why you need to date so many people, to make sure
you find the right one. If it’s the right one, you’ll certainly fall in love
with them. But the thing is, I don’t think there’s only one soulmate out there
searching for you. There’s not just one person, that, if you miss, you’re sunk.
Kind of like God’s will. God gives you
permission to pursue a number of things with your life, and of course you’ll
wind up in His Will, but you don’t need to worry or fear that if you do or don’t
do this or that, like if you marry the wrong person, take the wrong job, move
to the wrong city, you’ll be destined for a miserable life. God’s Will is more
about, well, making us holy, and He can do that many ways, and there are
probably a number of people you could marry who would help you become more
holy, and you can serve God through whatever job you choose, and you can build
into community in whatever city or country you find yourself in.
I
guess I just feel sad when it’s clear that many women are falling in love with the
same man – on purpose. You know the odds are stacked against you, yet you risk
it all for the reward… but is that reward worth the heartache you put yourself through? I’m not trying to short change the bachelor,
he is great, but, he’s a professional player, for a multi-billion dollar
television show, and his motives are not necessarily pure. He’s in it to find
love, on the one hand, but he’s more than willing to experiment with many women
to make that love manifest. He’s willing to make out with multiple girls, to
get intimate with multiple girls, maybe even to have sex with multiple girls…
to meet his needs… it seems like a very selfish way to date, if you ask me.
I
understand the desire to meet “the one.” We desperately want romance and love,
everyone wants love, unconditional love, intimacy… but our culture has blurred
intimacy with sex, and sex as the ultimate way of experiencing love and in turn
experiencing intimacy… I’m 36 years old, single, and I’m ready to meet the one.
Someone! Anyone? I guess at times it may seem I’m grasping to just hold on to
one. And, there is something I can learn
from the Bachelor, you have to take risks to fall in love. You have to put
yourself out there, and have faith that things will work out for the best. You
may have your heart broken, but you don’t know until you open up if things are
really going to work. I just don’t think
it’s healthy, necessary, or good, to do that with 29 other women competing for
the same man.
What
makes a man attractive in the first place? Is it… their physical body? I think… there is an element of truth in
wanting to be attracted to whoever you date, sure. But a person is so much more
than their physical body. Is it, their successful career? To make sure he can provide for his family?
Well, yes, dating someone who can provide for your needs is important, but we’d
probably need to evaluate wants and needs to be clear about that point as well.
My
pastor told me that a man who shows humility and an eagerness to learn, who’s
not proud but willing to grow… that’s an important trait to have. I happen to
agree with that assessment. It’s not flashy though, it may not make any TV
shows as a top priority, (unless you’re watching the Duggars, they probably
really value humility in a man,) but isn’t it important?
I
just, if a relationship is really going to last, you have to be willing to put
your needs to the side and pursue the needs of the other person, and I don’t see
that happening on the Bachelor. Instead, there’s a man selfishly getting his
desires fulfilled, (really, what man wouldn’t love having 30 beautiful women
throwing themselves at him) and then women desperate to be chosen, reduced to
appealing to his physical desires…
I
guess I’m realizing that, romance, in real life, needs to be found in the
mundane. Because that’s reality. That’s day in, day out, what we really
experience. Of course traveling to Singapore and bungi jumping on a one on one
date is going to automatically bond two people together. But that really only
happens on TV, and make no mistake, even though that’s masquerading as reality
television, it’s not reality. At all.
The
person you date may not be voted the hottest man of the year. But, is he a good
man? Does he love God? Does he want to point you closer to Christ in a gentle
but firm way? Can he acknowledge his own shortcomings and sins? Is he humble?
Does he love his family well? How does he interact with his friends? Does
he seek to serve and be involved with a local community and church home? Maybe
these aren’t the glamourous details, they don’t pull in tons of ratings, they
don’t capitalize on the drama… but do you want something real, or the TV drama?
Because the reality of the TV drama is, most of those women will have their
hearts broken. And that’s not pretty.
I
don’t know, it’s just, conceptually the show bothers me, but it’s been around
for years now, it’s a cultural norm not just a phenomenon… I just think there’s
a better way.
A
mundane, ordinary, gritty, dirty, beautiful way.
